


Power Assertion

by dark_as_a_tomb



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alpha Aaron Hotchner, Alpha Derek Morgan, Alpha Emily Prentiss, Alpha Spencer Reid, Alpha/Alpha, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beta David Rossi, Beta Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, Bisexual Derek Morgan, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Derek's a flirt, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Minor Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss, Moreid Endgame, Mutual Pining, Nightmares, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Past Rape/Non-con, Pining, Post Nightmare Cuddling, Spencer Reid Needs a Hug, loose case fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:35:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28748583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dark_as_a_tomb/pseuds/dark_as_a_tomb
Summary: //Power Assertion (noun): Using aggression to restore an offender’s self-confidence, authority, and control.//Alpha/Alpha relationships don't work, they said. Don't fall in love with your best friend, they said. Don't go to your best friend's house in the middle of the night and kiss him, they said. Well, Spencer Reid was never one to listen to what other people had to say.
Relationships: Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

It started on a night in August. Well, it actually started on a very early morning in April of 2002 when Spencer Reid stumbled into the FBI’s Behavioral Analysis Unit office and was immediately captivated by big brown eyes and bulging biceps. Then Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan would call him ‘Pretty Boy’ and tap his ass and play with his hair and Spencer usually had a problem with people touching him but he didn’t seem to mind when it was Morgan and now on an August night in the living room of a couple who are anxiously awaiting to find out whether their 5-year-old son is still alive or not, Spencer Reid was cuddled up to Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan’s chest, breathing calmly to try to subside the panic that came with the nightmares.

Derek Morgan was older than him (not old enough to be gross but just old enough to raise eyebrows (but who is he kidding? Spencer’s always been old for his age)), his teammate, and almost like a brother to him. Through pulling pranks on each other in the office to staying up all night watching Star Trek marathons, they grew close and Spencer thought that the sexual attraction would fade but it didn’t, if anything it grew stronger because Spencer realized that Derek was sweet, and kind, and selfless, and funny, and he got his jokes, and he only made fun of him in ways that didn’t make Spencer insecure, and damnit, if his personality hadn’t been so perfect, maybe Spencer wouldn’t have fallen head over heels so hard.

If that wasn’t enough of a bad idea, Derek Morgan was an alpha. Of course, he was – he’s a token alpha. If someone looked up ‘Alpha Male’ in the dictionary, a picture of Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan would be smack next to the definition, his thick arm crossed across his contoured chest, his thick brows glaring into the camera.

And Spencer was sick of it. He was sick of Derek and his gorgeous facial structure and his body looking like it had been carved by Donatello himself and his “Babyboy” and “Pretty Boy” and he called Garcia “Babygirl”, like that was his thing, and there was nothing going on between them (despite how weird and flirty their relationship got sometimes) so why should Spencer look into all the touches and side glances and flirty nicknames? That was Derek’s personality. It was one of the ways that he asserted dominance and showed that he was in control and he was trusted, while no one called him any names back because he didn’t truly trust anyone other than himself.

And yeah, that has a long history of abuse and behavioral profiling and psychology, but Spencer had already wasted so many nights staying up just psychoanalyzing everything about the other alpha and damn – he hated that sentiment. Other alpha. Spencer never wanted to be an alpha. It’s not like he hated that about himself, in fact, he kind of liked that he was an alpha because he was aware that as soon as he walks into a room full of cops and testosterone, he’s the skinny, little, geeky kid and introducing himself as “Dr. Spencer Reid, SSA” can only go so far, so having the fact that he’s an alpha on his side helps him gain a semblance of authority. But Derek never made him feel like he was that skinny, little, geeky kid. Sure, he calls Spencer “kid” but it’s a fond epithet, not one meant to demean. Derek made him feel like ‘one of the guys’, like a brother that he never had, and Spencer appreciated that, but he’s pretty sure that he isn’t supposed to want to climb into his brother’s lap and kiss him senseless, but that also depends on where you’re from.

So Spencer loved his best friend, who happened to be an Alpha, who happened to pull girls every time he can, who happened to not be bisexual, who happens to flirt with anything that moves, so no, Spencer should not read into anything he says. And he definitely shouldn’t read into the way Derek’s hands felt on his back or his hips or his hair as he laid on the large Alpha’s chest and he shouldn’t focus on how gently the man was being, despite the rough callouses on his hands and the bulking muscles all over his body. Spencer remembers one time that he went to the boxing gym at Quantico because Derek wanted to “teach him some things” and he was met smack in the face with a very shirtless, very sweaty Derek Morgan beating up on a punching bag and that definitely shouldn’t have gotten him hard, but he still had to skedaddle to the locker room and take more than a few calming deep breaths.

This all started on the jet, when Spencer fell asleep because he hadn’t been sleeping at home because he’d been up all night for weeks on end just thinking and dreaming and dying and pining over his best friend, and he had a dream of a dead kid in a basement stuffed behind a washing machine and then Hotch ordered him and Morgan to stand watch in the house of two parents whose son had been kidnapped two days prior and Spencer fell asleep again, only to be shook awake by none other than Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan standing over the couch.

“Hey, kid, kid,” Derek’s baritone voice called out. He had grabbed onto Spencer’s arm and Spencer jerked awake, panicked eyes going wide. He was breathing heavily, coming back from a reality that he thought was reality but wasn’t reality. “Kid, you alright?”

Spencer gasped, running his fingers through his sweaty hair and damn he needed a haircut, but two sets of feet were running down the stairs, yelling, “What’s going on?”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Derek assured the two panicked parents, who had rushed down the stairs thinking, hoping, praying that there was some news about their little boy.

“What do you mean ‘it’s okay’? You’re the FBI and you wake us up at 2 in the morning screaming? What’s going on?” the father snapped, irritated beyond believe and Spencer couldn’t really blame him, but his head felt like it was full of cotton, so he was grateful that Derek took the lead.

“It’s okay. It’s just a misunderstanding. Please, go back to bed,” Derek said calmly, assuring the parents that everything was okay and sending them back upstairs before turning back to the other alpha, who had his head in his hands. He sighed, sitting next to Spencer on the couch. “Man, what is going on with you?”

Spencer shook his head, taking a deep breath because he didn’t want to be having this conversation. What he really wanted was some sleep. “Um…I don’t know, I just-“ he shook his head, rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes until fireworks exploded in his vision and he was satisfied.

“Listen, kid,” Derek sighed, wrapping his arm around Spencer’s shoulder. His pressure started slowly, but once Spencer didn’t flinch or show any signs that he didn’t want it, Derek pulled the smaller alpha to his side. Spencer sighed, leaning his head on Derek’s shoulder in exhaustion. He hesitated before leaning his head up to Derek’s scent gland, subtly scenting him. He smelled like warm cookies and coffee and the woods and home. Derek buried his face in Spencer’s hair, scenting him to calm him down. Of course, that would’ve worked more effectively if Spencer’s biology was an omega, but it was the thought that counts. “I know that you’re not a believer in dream interpretation, but even talking about it can help you gain some clarity.”

Spencer swallowed, nodding his agreement. He took a few minutes to gather his thoughts and try to put them into a cohesive story, but the dream was coming in flashes and suddenly he remembers that he was calling out for Morgan in the dream and oh God, how embarrassing. He really hopes that that part didn’t translate to real life. “Um…I felt itchy and anxious…and it was really annoying and when I opened my shirt, there-there were leeches on my skin and I…I kept calling out to you for help, and I don’t know why…” he cut himself off, shaking his head.

Derek nodded and he rubbed his thumb over Spencer’s bony shoulder. “Come on, Pretty Boy,” he mumbled, kicking his feet up on the coffee table and grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch. He threw it over both of them and helped Spencer get comfortable all curled up in his side. Spencer laid his head on Derek’s chest and hesitated before throwing his arm around Derek’s waist. He found himself nuzzling into Derek’s chest, a soft smile fondling his lips when he felt Derek’s hands run over his body. They massaged his lower back and his hips and his arm and eventually made their way up to his hair, massaging and pulling in a rhythmic sort of way that had his drifting off to sleep way sooner than he’d like to admit. He felt Derek’s lips on his forehead and he slipped off to a dreamless world, thinking about how he could get used to this.


	2. Chapter 2

This was a bad idea. A very bad, no good, terrible idea. But still, Spencer found himself in his little Volvo in Derek’s driveway after midnight. He had woken up in a cold sweat, mind racing and chest heaving after being lost in a nightmare. When he woke up, the first and only thing he could think of was Derek – he just wanted Derek. He wanted to cuddle him and he wanted Derek to play with his hair and maybe get some more forehead kisses. But most of all, he wanted to feel safe, and he only ever felt safe in the arms of the other alpha.

With a final deep breath, Spencer closed his car door and made his way up the little sidewalk to the entrance of Derek’s house. He swallowed. _This is a bad idea._ He pranced up the steps, wringing his sweaty hands. _Derek probably isn’t even awake_. Spencer hesitated in front of the door, his hand poised and ready to knock. _Screw it._

Spencer knocked three times, swallowing nervously. He shoved his hands in his pockets. He waited a few minutes in silence. _This is stupid. He’s going to think you’re stupid and pathetic. Oh my god – what am I -_

A few locks turned on the inside and the door opened. Instead of Derek standing there was a beautiful, sleepy-looking woman. Her features were cat-like, lips full and eyebrows delicate. Her dark brown eyes were deep, warm and nice and intense. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she was wearing a big t-shirt that Spencer was 90% belonged to Derek and little shorts. Her gorgeous, dark legs seemed to go on forever. 

Oh no.

"Hi," she said softly, her voice warm. "What can I do for you?"

Spencer swallowed, wetting his lips and trying to ignore his rapidly beating heart. "H-hi, i was um...wondering if I could talk to Derek. I don't uh...but if you're busy that's okay!" He rambled, awkwardly. He wiggled his fingers in his pockets. "I...oh, I'm Spencer!"

"Spencer!" The woman exclaimed, eyes lighting up and smile beaming. "Oh, Derek has told me so much about you! I'm Savannah, Derek's girlfriend."

Spencer felt his heart drop, eyes going wide. He nodded quickly, unable to really process that information before Derek was appearing behind her, opening the door wider and fuck - they looked gorgeous together. Perfect. And she was nice - he could tell. She had kind eyes and a warm aura and Spencer had no reason to hate her but he did.

"Hey, kid," Derek greeted. "What are you doing here so late?" 

Spencer frowned, swallowing awkwardly. "Um...i don't know. I..." He chuckled, realizing how stupid and childish he sounded. "I got a nightmare, and i didn't know where else to go."

Derek nodded in understanding because of course he did and he ushered the lanky boy inside. "We can talk in the living room," he mumbled, glancing over at Savannah.

"Oh! I know when to disappear," she grinned, pressing a kiss to Derek's chin that made Spencer cringe. "I'll see you later, baby."

Derek hummed, nodding. Savannah went off down the hall, apparently to the bedroom, and Spencer and Derek went to the living room. Spencer paced, eyes closed. 

"Kid," Derek started. "What-"

Spencer shook his head, holding his hand up. "Um..." He swallowed thickly, blinking. "I didn't realize you had a girlfriend, or...is she living with you? No, it's none of my business. Im just sorry to ruin your night and i know it's late. You don't have to do this if you don't want to -"

"Kid, shut your pretty mouth and get over here," Derek chuckled, voice teasingly demanding. He sat on the couch, patting the spot next to him. 

Spencer shook his head, not meeting Derek's gaze. He really didn't want to cry in this living room, not in front of Derek while Derek's girlfriend was in the other room. 

“C’mon, kid, just talk to me. Pretty Boy, look at me,” Derek grabbed Spencer’s arm, trying to firmly coax the other alpha into speaking.

Spencer scoffed, not meeting his eyes. “I just…” he sighed in frustration. “Why do you call me Pretty Boy?”

“What?” Derek echoed in confusion, loosening his grip slightly on Spencer’s upper arm and wondering how his nicknames had anything to do with Spencer's nightmares. “Why do you think?”

Spencer sputtered, shaking his head. He closed his eyes, sighing in absolute defeat. He felt exhausted having this conversation. “I don’t know? To make fun of me?”

“What? No, man, when have I ever – “ he cut himself off when Spencer gave him a sharp glare, already knowing where that sentence was going. “Okay, fine. I do make fun of you sometimes but it’s not meant to hurt you or make you doubt my intentions. I call you ‘Pretty Boy’ because you’re genuinely the most gorgeous person I’ve ever seen.”

Spencer felt like he had been punched in the gut, his heart stopping in shock. “Um…you what?” he choked out, eyebrows furrowed. Derek must be messing with him.

“I…” Derek looked away, finally releasing Spencer’s arm and taking a step back. “I love you, man. I’ve always…loved you. You had to know that.”

Spencer let out a small scream, eyes wide. He took a step back, running his fingers through his hair in distress. “You…I…” he stuttered, not even sure what to say. “What?”

“I’ve been obvious!” Derek exclaimed, laughing softly.

Spencer shrieked in exasperation, jumping like the energy was too much in his body and he didn’t know how to express his emotions – which was true. “When have you ever been obvious?”

Derek shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I flirt with you all the time.”

“You flirt with everyone all the time!” Spencer gasped, a frustrated growl leaving his lips. “And you know I’m not good at reading social cues!!”

“Well, I’m telling you now! I’m in love with you,” Derek declared, spreading his arms out. He spat the words at Spencer in frustration, clenching his jaw. “I’ve always been in love with you. It’s always been you!”

Spencer cried out softly, running his fingers through his hair again. He started to pace the living room, eyes closing. “You can’t tell me this when you’re in a relationship!” he hissed, heart beating out of his chest.

“Tell me that you don’t feel the same,” Derek challenged him, eyes flashing.

“You can’t be telling me these things while you have a girl in your bed,” Spencer exaggerated, He paced around, his breathing rapid.

“Stop it,” Derek snapped, grabbing Spencer by his arms and holding him still. “You think I don’t feel like shit about this? Savannah doesn’t deserve this. But there’s nothing I can do to stop my feelings for you.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” Spencer whimpered, blinking up into Derek’s big brown eyes. “You’ve had years to tell me. You…you know how I feel about you,” he whispered.

“I don’t know,” Derek sighed. “There’s just never been the right time.”

“So the right time is when you have a girlfriend in the next room?” Spencer disputed, eyes flashing. “What? Do you want me to be your little secret?”

“What? No!” Derek gasped.

“How long have you two been together anyway?” Spencer questioned, chewing his bottom lip.

Derek sighed, eyes closing. “4 months,” he mumbled.

“Oh my God!” Spencer cried out, pushing away from Derek’s grip. “Derek, what the…I can’t be here,” he choked out. He felt himself starting to get emotional and crying was really not what he wanted to do right now.

“But I’ve been in love with you for years, man,” Derek tried to reach out for Spencer again, but he jerked away, retreating in on himself.

Spencer shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. “Why now?” he whispered.

Derek shook his head. “I don’t know,” he sighed. “I don’t know. Just…I…I like Savannah – I do. She’s amazing and feisty and sexy and intelligent, she’s a doctor, y’know?” Spencer shook his head, looking down at his feet. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “But…you’re more amazing and more feisty and more sexy and so much more intelligent, and…”

Spencer blinked the tears out of his eyes and gazed at Derek from across the dimly lit living room.

“I never wanted to hurt you, kid,” Derek sighed, walking over to him. Spencer shook his head, taking a step back. “Just…tell me that you feel the same way.” Spencer closed his eyes, only flinching slightly when he felt Derek’s rough palms cup his cheeks. 

“You know I do,” Spencer whispered tearfully, blinking at him. He sucked on his bottom lip. “You know I love you. I always have.”

“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Derek asked.

Spencer scoffed softly and sniffled. “Why would I? You…you’re gorgeous and a lady’s man – you’re always talking about the girls you’re seeing and flirting and you’re an alpha – a typical alpha male so why would you…why would you want another alpha? Why would you want me? I’m skinny and wimpy and awkward you…I thought you see me as a little brother, not…not anyone that you’d want to be in a relationship with.”

Derek shook his head. “I don’t care about your status. I could care less,” he murmured. “You’re so sexy, Spencer, you have no idea. You’re gorgeous and lanky and awkward and your lips…” he whispered, dropping his gaze down to Spencer’s diamond-shaped lips. Spencer released his lip from between his teeth, mouth popping open to draw in a breath. “My Lord, how much I’ve thought about your lips. And your mind – damn, your mind, Babyboy, is the sexiest thing. There’s so much about you, so, so much and you’re worth so damn much.”

Spencer exhaled a shaky breath, eyes closing. “Der…” he whispered, easing into the bigger male’s grip. He gazed his deep-set, honey-colored eyes into Derek’s, drawing in a breath. Heat was quickly pooling in his belly, the intensity of Derek’s eyes and heavy brow burning into him. Derek leaned forward, pressing his lips onto Spencer’s. The smaller man immediately closed his eyes, running his hands up Derek’s muscular arms to wrap around his neck. He sunk into the kiss, parting his lips and letting Derek take command.

He had always thought about this. About how/if this would happen. He imagined the sexual tension getting finally too much while they were in the interrogation room and Derek would push him against the wall and kiss him breathless. He imagined Derek showing up at his doorstep and them watching Star Trek and cuddling and then it going too far. He never imagined this. He never imagined Derek and him breathing the same air, kissing soft and slow and deep and tender, in the middle of Derek’s living room at 2 A.M. on a Tuesday morning.

He had wondered how Derek kissed – if he was hard and fast, if he would move his hands all over his body, if he’d press small kisses to his lips before diving in, if he’d mouth up his neck before sealing the deal, if he’d lave his tongue at his collarbones, but this was better than he imagined. One of Derek’s hands were in his hair, holding his head in one place while the other hand was pressing into Spencer’s lower back, gluing their hips together. He kissed languidly, like they had hours to do it. He licked into his mouth, slow and sweet like molasses. Spencer could get drunk off his lips, off every swipe of his tongue and his lips and every roll of his thumb on the small of Spencer’s back.

“Hey, Der!” Savannah called.

Spencer and Derek jumped apart. Spencer gasped, hands flying to his mouth to hide any evidence of the kiss. Derek cleared his throat, shoving his hands in his pockets just as Savannah walked into the room.

“Oh, hi!” she chirped in surprise, looking at Spencer. “I hadn’t heard anything for a while, so I figured you had gone home.”

“I should get going,” Spencer choked out. He cleared his throat, quickly gathering his bag and jacket and keys. “I’m sorry for – “

“No, Spencer, I – “ Derek tried to reach out for him, but Spencer brushed passed him. Tears were already coming to his eyes. This was a mistake – he never should’ve come here. Now he was a homewrecker.

“It was nice to meet you!” Savannah called. Spencer could barely choke out a response before he was rushing past her and closing the front door. He didn’t let the tears come until he was seated in the driver’s seat of his car.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: This gets a little graphic because there's a case involved and it's based on a real serial killer and the story is fucked up and I used the killer's real letter that he sent to the parents of one of his victims (his name is Albert Fish if you wanna read more about him!)

Spencer really didn’t want to go into work the day after. Truly, honestly, the last thing he wanted to do was sit at his cubicle reading reports and writing his accounts while the man he loved, the man who loved him back, the man he kissed at 2 A.M., the man who’s in a relationship with a gorgeous omega, sat right across from him, breathing the same air as him and awkwardly trying to avoid eye contact.

But unfortunately, he got a text from JJ – they had a case. Now whether that was a good thing, or a bad thing was up to interpretation. On one hand, instead of having the bullpen office, Spencer would be stuck with Derek in an airplane for however long and be expected to play nice and act like nothing had happened. He would have to sit next to the larger alpha and make jokes with him and recite his facts that he always had up in his brain, but his brain was honestly mush right now – his thoughts racing and pulse pounding, and it felt like his ears were buzzing. On the other hand, having some work and something to focus on might actually make Spencer feel better. He could bury himself in the case and the facts and the schedule of normalcy that comes with it. So honestly either way – it was going to suck before it got any better.

Spencer begrudgingly sauntered into the BAU bullpen right after 6 A.M., a large cup of coffee in his hand. His messenger bag tapped against his thigh with every bounce of his steps and he felt himself get absorbed into the flurry of activity that was already underway so early in the morning. The pale man was running on no sleep and was already on his second coffee – he was up all-night pacing after leaving Derek’s, freaking out and screaming at himself in frustration. But he couldn’t focus on that right now. He couldn’t focus on the way Derek stood up from his desk immediately when Spencer walked in, or how Derek looked about as tired as Spencer felt, tired of hiding, of running, of thinking, of loving so hard and getting nothing in return. So Spencer ignored it, he pushed his feelings away like he was so good at doing, and he stayed objective, brushing passed the large alpha to get to the stairs which would lead him to the round table room – where he could see that the rest of the team that already assembled.

“Kid, hey, can we talk?” Derek asked lowly, following after Spencer.

Spencer sighed, closing his eyes. “About what?” He knew he was being difficult, was being a brat, but he couldn’t care less.

Derek scoffed behind him. “So you wanna play it like that, huh?”

Spencer ground his teeth, as they walked into the round table room. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he grumbled as he took his seat.

Derek rolled his eyes and took his seat, ignoring everyone’s questioning looks around the table. Eventually, Hotch cleared his throat and nodded at Penelope. The colorful omega bounced to the front of the room, her pink lips pursed. “Crime-fighters, you are heading to the beautiful, lively, and oftentimes, smelly, borough of Brooklyn, New York,” she started. “Unfortunately, you probably won’t be able to visit Coney Island, Prospect Park, or the Botanical Gardens, because you’ll be too busy finding the sicko who sent this to the New York Times.” She clicked her bee-boop, cringing and looking away from the new image on the screen.

There was a picture of what looked like the inside of a box. Sitting inside was a piece of paper that was scribbled with chicken-scratch that made Spencer’s handwriting look like a font. Nevertheless, Spencer read it from the copy in his file, frowning. “’She sat in my lap and kissed me. I made up my mind to eat her, on the pretense of taking her to a party. I took her to an empty house in Westchester I had already picked out. When we got there, I told her to remain outside. I went upstairs and stripped all my clothes off. I knew if I did not I would get her blood on them. When all was ready I went to the window and called her. Then I hid in a closet until she was in the room. When she saw me all naked she began to cry and tried to run down stairs. I grabbed her and she said she would tell her mama. First I stripped her naked. How she did kick – bite and scratch. I choked her to death then cut her in small pieces so I could take my meat to my rooms, cook and eat it. How sweet and tender her little ass was roasted in the oven. It took me 9 days to eat her entire body. I did not fuck her, though, I could of had I wished. She died a virgin.’”

“Oh my God,” Emily mumbled, placing her hand in front of her mouth. JJ and Penelope looked sick, while the men tried to keep it together, but to any profiler, you could tell that they were just as disgusted by the written words.

Penelope swallowed, shaking her head sadly. “Inside the box was also a…piece of flesh. The lab at NYPD confirmed it as a match for Elizabeth Redding. She was a freshman college student at NYU, originally from Ohio. She disappeared two weeks ago.”

“I hate to ask, but are there any other bodies that can be tied to this same killer?” Derek asked, eyebrows furrowed. He closed the file and Spencer couldn’t help his eyes from training of Derek’s hands. He quickly shook his head out of it – this was not the time.

Penelope shook her head. “Unfortunately, not because of the way he…disposes of the bodies,” she shuttered, voice sad.

Derek nodded, leaning back in his chair. “So why did he send this letter? He was basically home free.”

“He wasn’t getting satisfaction from just killing and eating the bodies anymore – he had to taunt the newspaper. That means that he probably has been doing this for a while,” Reid said, tapping his fingertips against the tabletop.

“And he won’t stop. Cannibals and sex offenders both have trouble stopping and controlling their urges. So with both of those signatures in one offender – there’s no way he’ll stop now,” Rossi pointed out.

“That’s why we have to get to New York as soon as possible,” Hotch declared seriously, his heavy brow furrowed and lips pursed. “Wheels up in 30.”

\--

Hotch had delegated on the plane like he always did. “Reid, I want you to run base at the NYPD and psychoanalyze the letter – see if there’s anything identifiable about the language and writing that might incriminate this guy. Derek, Emily, work with Garcia to set up victimology and search for any other missing person’s that are possible victims with the idea that Elizabeth Redding is his ideal type. JJ, Elizabeth Redding’s family should be arriving soon from Ohio, so you’ll talk to them. Rossi, you interview the worker at the New York Times who opened the letter – Greg Samuels. He’s already waiting for us at the PD,” Hotch had eyed the team to make sure that they understood what they were to do.

A few hours later, Spencer was busy with his task, analyzing the language used in the letter. His third cup of coffee sat next to him as he read over the letter for a third time. He tried his best to completely ignore Derek and Emily, who had been on the phone with Garcia ever since they arrived. They were running over victimology. Apparently, Elizabeth Redding was an 18-year-old college freshman studying psychology. She had gone to a party the night of her abduction, which was odd for her according to her friends and family. She had a squeaky-clean record – no criminal leanings, no citations from her school, nothing but sweet reviews from her past teachers and parents of the kids she babysat. They combed through the list of recent missing persons and found a few that might fit the victimology.

After Garcia hung up to do more research, Derek leaned back in his seat. He had kept his eyes on Spencer for most of the time that they had been working, watching the way he read so quickly and jotted down notes, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Spencer had been ignoring him all day, could barely even meet his eyes. As much as Derek didn’t want to admit it, it hurt. He knew that he hurt the kid, and he deserved it but still.

“Hey, kid,” he called out. “Did you find anything yet?”

Spencer ground his teeth, shooting an annoyed glare at the older man. He looked more like a hissing kitten, but it was the hidden anger in his eyes that made Derek cringe a bit. “Of course, I did,” he frowned.

Derek nodded, chuckling nervously. “Of course, you did. Care to share?”

The other alpha swallowed, looking down at the letter. “He starts almost every sentence with ‘I’, which shows narcissistic leanings. Of course, he didn’t need to send this letter because he is criminally sophisticated and has already gotten away with multiple murders. Sending this letter is a way to gloat, which also shows his narcissism. He wants the press to know exactly what he did – which also shows that he feels unheard and he wants as much attention as possible. The language he uses in this letter has absolutely no emotion, like he’s just stating what happened. The only emotion he shows is an almost giddiness at the fact that he was able to outsmart Elizabeth and the police, plus a cockiness at the end. ‘I did not fuck her though. I could of if I had wished. She died a virgin’. That’s the only real sense of emotion. He’s obviously psychopathic.”

“Well, I’d say so,” Emily added, leaning back.

Derek licked his lips and shook his head. “So, so far, we have a psychopathic, narcissistic, anger-excitation rapist, with sadomasochistic tendencies and a God-complex. He seems to choose his victims at random – looking for the weakest link in a herd. Elizabeth didn’t normally drink, and she tried to walk home alone – that’s where he grabbed her. Garcia found footage of her stumbling by the shops right outside of campus and he was lurking in the shadows, then grabbed her. He hunted and waited for someone that fit what he wanted – so he’s patient and meticulous.”

Spencer shrugged, chewing on his bottom lip. “Most cannibals and rapists have a type, and they’ll wait for someone to come along that matches his type.”

“So he has a job that entails waiting for long periods of time in isolation, like a cable man, a delivery driver,” Derek speculated.

“Or he doesn’t have a job at all,” Spencer cut in. “Most cannibals have mental health issues that institution them, like schizophrenia, impact their ability to hold down a steady job. He’s most likely unemployed, so he has time to stalk and wait for the ideal victim.”

“I’ll get Garcia to narrow down the profile to people who have been in mental facilities for flesh-eating and have recently been released?” Emily asked for confirmation, which Spencer gave with a nod of his head.

“Yeah and look for a history of abuse. Anger-excitation rapists most likely have been sexually assaulted in their youth, most likely by a parent that might have landed him in foster care. Plus, in the letter he mentions taking the meat to 'rooms', as in multiple. He'd need a secluded area to let the victim scream, which he described, and it needs multiple rooms,” Spencer said, frowning.

“Alrighty,” Emily hummed, grabbing her phone and standing up. She walked out of the room, leaving the two alphas alone.

There was a moment of tense silence where they both sat there. Spencer was glaring down at the letter, frowning. Derek was watching Spencer. “Um…listen, Reid,” Derek started, but Spencer quickly stood up and walked out of the room, his stupid long Bambi legs carrying him out of the room at ninja-like speed.

“Great,” Derek hummed sarcastically.

\--

That night, Spencer was in his hotel room, pacing. He was exhausted, but his brain wouldn’t stop rambling and thinking about the one thing that he always thought about late at night when there was nothing else to think about – Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan.

_It’s probably best that he’s in a relationship,_ he thought. _Especially with an omega. Alphan relationships don’t work – not only sexually. Sure, I’ve always been more of a bottom, and I’ve bottomed for alphas, and omegas, and betas, but I still can’t satisfy an alpha through their rut, and even though I’ve never really spoken to Derek about his status, but I’m pretty sure that he doesn’t bottom so there’s no way that he can satisfy me through my rut. It’s not like my ruts are particularly bad, but they still suck. Plus, Savannah is pretty. She is a doctor, an omega. She could give Derek kids and make him happy. Derek’s always wanted kids and he’d be a great dad no matter how scared he acts of them and how tough guy he seems. They looked gorgeous together, they’d make gorgeous kids. There’s no way that Derek would choose a gangly, awkward, rambling alpha over that bronzed goddess of an omega. Plus –_

There was a knock on his door.

Spencer flinched, releasing his bottom lip from in between his teeth. He realized that he had his hand fisted in his hair and his hand curled up in a fist by his side. He glanced over at the door before prancing over to it. Maybe there was a break in the case.

But no, of course, just by his luck, Derek was standing in the hallway, arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his lips. Spencer felt a little growl rise in his throat.

“No, none of that. We are talking about this. You are letting me in and we are doing this,” Derek said firmly, pushing passed Spencer and into the room.

Spencer rolled his eyes, closing the door behind them. “No, really, come on in,” he said sarcastically. Derek exhaled, turning to face the lanky alpha. Spencer crossed his arms over his chest to try to gain some semblance of authority. He raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“Reid,” Derek swallowed, meeting his eyes. “You know I don’t…do this ‘emotion’ thing.”

“Neither do I,” Spencer said blankly. “So maybe you should go.”

“No. I’m not leaving until we talk about this.”

“Derek, there’s nothing to talk about,” Spencer stated, clenching his jaw. “You’re in a relationship. You kissed me while she was in the other room. You cheated on her with _me_ – you put me in that position.”

“Savannah and I are over,” Derek declared, voice raising slightly to cut off Spencer’s steady raise in volume.

Spencer immediately shut his mouth, his eyes wide. “Oh.”

Derek nodded, lips pursed. “I…we’ve been over for a while. I just…” he closed his eyes, looking awkward. “I love you.”

“Did you tell Savannah about what happened?” Spencer asked, avoiding eye contact.

Derek shook his head. “No, I…but I’m pretty she knew. She…acted different last night.”

Spencer closed his eyes, leaning against the door. “I’m…I’m so tired, Derek,” he mumbled, shaking his head. “I can’t…do this back-and-forth twisted thing. I’ve…for 7 years, Derek. 7 years I had to watch you go about your day, flirting and dancing and getting hit on and floating from relationship to relationship and uh…I just don’t want to do it anymore. You can’t tell me randomly that you love me and then – “

“Okay, I admit that it was wrong timing,” Derek cut him off.

Spencer shook his head, scoffing. “Yeah.”

Derek smiled, flashing his beautiful, white teeth. Spencer felt his knees go weak, and, God, he was just so tired. He wanted to stop feeling like this – this so-close-yet-so-far bullshit that made his stomach drop and heart race and knees go weak and skin sweat. “You can’t kiss me on the forehead and cuddle me and then leave me before I wake up, or flirt with me and touch me and call me ‘pretty’ and then go dancing with 4 girls and take them home. You can’t tell me that you love me and then go to sleep in bed next to your girlfriend. This push-and-pull is tearing me apart. I can't focus, I can't think, I can't -"

"Then stop pushing me away," Derek said firmly, taking a step closer.

Spencer shook his head, sniffling. And crying right now was really not what he wanted to do. "Derek," he whispered, holding his hands up. "You're going to hurt me again. I'm... I'm protecting myself."

"I won't," Derek said sincerely, reaching forward. He cupped both of Spencer's cheeks, his rough hands contrasting to the pale, delicate features of the skinny boy’s face. "Babyboy, I won't. I promise. When we get back to D.C., I'll take you on a proper date. I'll give you everything that you deserve. Spence, no, look at me," he said softly. Spencer shook his head before blinking to meet Derek's dark eyes. He blinked sadly, moisture collecting on his lashes. "I love you. Let me…just let me do that. Let me make it up to you.”

Spencer sighed shakily, eyes closing. He leaned his forehead against Derek’s, lips parted. This was everything he had ever wanted to hear – everything that he imagined Derek saying to him in his wildest dreams. So why did hearing it sound so scary?

“I know…I know that you have trouble trusting people and I know that I don’t deserve this chance, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to make the last 7 years up to you," Derek promised, his voice hushed. The lowest of his pitch created a rumble in his chest. 

Spencer closed his eyes, a small, very unalpha-like whimper leaving his lips. His bottom lip trembled and, fuck, yes. He didn't want to trust Derek, but yes, he did. He trusted him and he loved him and he just wanted to sink into his big, strong arms and be held and kissed and loved. He nodded shakily, feeling tears slide down his cheeks. 

Derek frowned, wiping away his tears with the pads of his thumbs. "Let me stay the night?" he requested, pressing slow kisses to each of Spencer's cheeks to kiss away his tears.

Spencer let out a soft chuckle, swallowing. "O-okay," he whispered, nodding.

Derek smiled, his eyes crinkling slightly by the sides. "Yeah?"

Spencer nodded again, laying his head on Derek's shoulder. Honestly falling asleep next to the man he loved, the man who loved him back, the man who was his, sounded heavenly. And the loving, slow handjobs they exchanged while kissing lazily before bed weren't that bad either.


	4. Chapter 4

Spencer woke up lazily, his arm slung across a warm body. His head was resting on something firm as well. He blinked his eyes open to find himself met with the sight of a wide expanse of dark skin and chiseled pecs. Oh, yeah, Spencer remembered, his body flushing warm. He remembered getting into bed with Derek, watching him take off his shirt while Spencer slid out of his sweatpants. They cuddled for a little bit, basking in the warm of each other's body heat before they were kissing. Spencer doesn't remember who initiated it, but that wasn't important. The important part was when he ducked his head beneath the sheets to wrap his mouth around Derek's cock and when Derek pulled his boy up by the hair to mouth at his neck and jerk him until he finished all over the skin stretched over Derek's abs. After cleaning up, they easily fell asleep.

Then Spencer was made aware of the reason he woke up: the alarm. Derek's phone was chiming, playing his alarm ringtone, which woke the older man up. He yawned and switched his alarm off before wrapping his arms back around Spencer snuffling into his neck. Spencer chuckled, closing his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Derek's shoulders and scratched lightly at his skin. 

"Morning," Derek grumbled into his neck, yawning. 

Spencer hummed, closing his eyes. "Good morning," he whispered.

After a few more seconds, Derek rolled them over so he was on top. He started kissing Spencer's neck, tickling at his sides. Spencer screamed, kicking out his legs. "Oh my God, Derek! What are you doing?" he screamed through his laughter, squirming.

Derek laughed softly, capturing his lips in a kiss. "What does it look like?"

Spencer shrieked, writhing under him. "I have a gun! Derek, I have a gun!" he laughed.

"What? You threatening me now, babyboy?" Derek teased, stopping his assault on Spencer's sides. Spencer gasped, trying to catch his breath. Derek hummed, pressing a kiss to his lips. "Just a bit of fun before we get back on the job," he explained, climbing off the small boy and standing up. He stretched out, his muscles rippling. Spencer swallowed thickly, eyeing his skin.

He was distracted by another ringtone emitting from Derek's phone. Spencer glanced over the screen and handed it to Derek, frowning. "Oh, it's Savannah," he said in surprise.

Derek frowned, taking the phone from Spencer's hand. He paused before declining the call. "I'll just call her back later," he said quietly, moving to find the shirt that he had discarded the previous night.

Spencer frowned from his spot on the bed, tucking his legs under him. He picked at the skin on his fingers, chewing his bottom lip. "Uh...why is she calling you?" he asked hesitantly.

"She knows that this is about the time I wake up, so she probably just wants to check in," Derek explained. 

Spencer furrowed his eyebrows, tilting his head slightly. He didn't want to sound like the intruding boyfriend and he didn't want to pry, but he had to ask, "Uh...why?"

"Well..." Derek paused. He bit his bottom lip as he pulled on his t-shirt. " _Technically_ we are still dating."

"You're what?" Spencer snapped, eyebrows raising in surprise. His felt his heartbeat accelerate.

"We're still dating, technically, I guess," Derek said slowly, frowning. He didn't meet Spencer's eyes.

"What do you mean 'technically'?" Spencer asked, standing up from the bed. He felt his hands start to sweat in anger and anxiety. His voice was already starting to raise.

"We haven't..." Derek sighed before correcting himself. "I haven't talked to her about us."

"So when you said that it was over with her? What did you mean?" Spencer crossed his arms, frowning. He clenched his jaw. 

"I meant that...mentally, we're not really together anymore. Like...I want to be with you."

"So mentally you broke up with her? But she isn't aware that you two aren't seeing each other?" Spencer tried to clarify, in absolute disbelief. His mouth was popped open and he started to pace.

"I...guess. But I think she knows," Derek swallowed, knowing that he was in the wrong. He knew that Spencer would be pissed. 

"Then why is she calling you at 6 o'clock in the morning?" Spencer snapped, voice raising, incredulous.

"I don't..."

"I can't...I can't believe this," Spencer yelled. He pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezing shut. "I...I trusted you. You told me that you and her were over! You told me that you loved me and that you were going to take me out on a date and that you loved me! This isn't how you treat someone you love! You don't treat them like a dirty little secret."

Derek gasped, shaking his head. "You're not my dirty little secret, baby. You - "

"No! Don't call me 'baby'! You don't get to tell me that you're in a relationship, then tell me that you love me, then kiss me, then tell me that you ended it and let me blow you and let you get me off and then tell me that you didn't actually end it with her! I'm not a homewrecker, Derek!" he rambled hysterically. 

"No, you're not a homewrecker, what? No, Spencer, I..." he sighed. "I never wanted to...to be cheater. My momma would be so ashamed and...disappointed. I'm disappointed in myself."

"You don't get to play the self-deprecating card! You are the one who cheated on your girlfriend and put me in this position. I don't trust you and I'm an idiot for ever trusting you and believing you when you said that you loved me!"

"Spencer, I love you. Listen - "

"No, I'm not going to listen to you. Shut up and get out of my hotel room," Spencer growled, pointing to the door. 

"Spencer-"

"Get. Out," he snapped. 

"I'm sorry!"

Spencer growled, baring his teeth at the other alpha. He stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door closed.

Derek scoffed, knocking on the bathroom door. "This is childish, Spencer, come on."

"Excuse me?" Spencer shrieked, opening up the door violently. "I'm acting childishly?" he asked angrily. He shoved at Derek's chest. 

"Spencer, listen to me - "

"No," Spencer growled, drawing his hand back before smacking Derek across the face. "Get. Out. Now." 

Derek held his cheek, eyes wide in shock. He had never seen Spencer get violent except with an unsub, and even then he was particularly tame. His cheek was throbbing, but the pain was nothing compared to the breaking in his heart. Spencer was nearly in tears he was so angry, his hands shaking and cheeks flushed. Derek did that. He broke the gorgeous, intelligent, feisty, strong alpha. Spencer was breaking down before his very eyes. He watched Spencer with wide eyes before nodding. "Okay," he murmured. "Okay, I'll go."

Spencer nodded in determination, jaw clenched. He sniffled before going back into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. It wasn't quite a slam, but it wasn't closed softly either. "I'm sorry for slapping you because I don't like violence, but I'm still very very mad at you," his muffled voice came through the door. 

Derek closed his eyes painfully. "I know," he mumbled before somberly making his way out of the hotel room. He made mistakes and he knew that and he had to make this right.

Spencer cried for a good 20 minutes under the pretense of taking a shower before looking himself in the mirror and setting his mind right. _Men are stupid. Feelings are stupid. Life is stupid. But we have a murderer to catch, so I can do that. I don’t know emotions and I don’t know men and I don’t know Derek, but I know serial killers and how to catch them._

He threw on some clothes and grabbed his satchel before heading to the police department. The unsub’s letter and Spencer’s notes were left right where he left them and after grabbing a cup of coffee, he buried himself back in his work. He wasn’t sure who was working on what, but the rest of the team came and went, going about their tasks and occasionally checking in with him. The only person who didn’t check in with him was Derek, who completely avoided the conference room where Spencer was working. Good, because Spencer doesn’t know what he’d do if he saw Derek right now.

Apparently they found a name. Tristan Wagner. He was released from New York Psychiatric Hospital at the age of 21, 11 years ago. He slid completely off the grid 5 years ago, nothing to prove that he still existed. Before that, he was picked up by the cops a few times for prostitution. He was imprisoned for 8 years in the psychiatric facility for tying up his sister little and cutting off a piece of flesh on her arm and eating it. If the long rack of E.R. visits by both kids were anything to go by, the father was highly abusive. Wagner stated in an interview that was reported by the facility that he enjoyed the abuse and the pain he got from the beating and rape. His family had a history of mental illness, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder mostly, and his father died while Wagner was in prison, from liver failure (excessive drinking). He fit every part of the profile – except they had no idea where he was and where he would be keeping his victims. The team assumed that he’s been indulging his cannibalistic fantasies every since disappearing from the grid.

Spencer studied the letter, reading and rereading the words until they were burned into his brain matter. ‘Oven’ he frowned, biting his lips. ‘roasted in the oven’. ‘The oven’. ‘The’. Spencer blinked in surprise – how did he not see this sooner? He scrambled out of his chair and to the phone, immediately dialing up Garcia.

“To whom of the brainiacs do I have the pleasure of speaking to?” her chirpy voice flitted through the speaker.

“Garcia!” Spencer spoke quickly. “Look for an abandoned kitchen in the comfort zone – a…a restaurant that’s been closed for at least 10 years. A warehouse that has big ovens – anything that was two stories, lots of rooms, and multiple ovens.”

“Ooh, I can look for that, Good Doctor,” Garcia hummed, her nails clacking on the keyboard for a few seconds. “I got an Italian restaurant that’s been closed for 11 years – it’s 3600 square feet.”

“No, he’ll need something bigger. At least 15,000 square feet,” Spencer countered, shaking his head. His hair fell into his face and goddamnit he really needed a haircut.

Garcia clicked her tongue. “Oh! There’s an old bread baking warehouse. It used to be owned by Kelsey’s Bakery, but they went out of business 16 years ago and the warehouse has been abandoned ever since. It’s 16,500 square feet and has multiple ovens, multiple freezers, conveyers belts, rooms, two stories – a cannibals dreamhouse.”

“Perfect, Garcia! Text us the address!” Spencer grinned, hanging up on her before prancing out of the conference room to find Hotch. “I got it! The address that Tristan is at!”

Hotch turned to him from where he was talking to JJ. They both grabbed their guns and gathered up the team. “Where?”

“An abandoned bread making factory,” Spencer reported.

They arrived at the address that Garcia texted the team and apprehended Tristan, along with finding multiple bodies in various stages of decomposition and in various pieces in the freezers. Spencer watched Derek as the tall alpha guided Tristan into the cop car, his thick arms bulging and forehead damp from the excitement of the takedown. His intense eyes met with Spencer’s, his heavy brows loosening slightly. Spencer frowned, turning away from the other alpha to climb into one of the government issued SUVs. It was over.

\--

Apparently it wasn't over for Derek. He immediately sat next to Spencer on the plane, not even bothering to get out his headphones. He had his jaw set and he wanted to talk. Spencer glared at the book in front of him, determined not to make eye-contact. The rest of the team trickled in, taking their seats and settling in for the short flight back to Virginia. It was a tiring case, so they all spread out with their various books, electronics, and blankets.

Spencer really just wanted to read his book about the Mists of Avalon, but apparently Derek had other plans. "I'm going to break up with her," his baritone voice stated lowly. Spencer ignored him. Derek growled softly and nudged Spencer with his ribs. "I said that I'm going to break up with her." Again, Spencer didn't respond. Derek clenched his jaw. "Are you really going to play this game, kid?"

"What do you want me to say?" Spencer hissed, slamming his book closed. "That I'm happy for you? Congratulations? No, I'm not going to praise you for telling me that you're going to do something that you should've done before we fucked last night!"

"Hey, first of all, we didn't fuck. Second of all, it was a miscommunication - "

"Are you kidding me?" Now Spencer was yelling. "You telling me that it was over with her means that you broke up with her. Which you clearly did not!" Derek glanced nervously around the plane, sheepish and embarrassed that his dirty laundry was being aired in front of the entire team. Everyone was watching them with wide, curious eyes, in absolute shock. "I don't even believe you! How am I supposed to trust you again?"

"Just give me another chance - "

"No!"

Derek growled. "Stop interrupting me, or I swear to God - "

"What? You're gonna hit me? You're gonna assert your alpha dominance over me? No, you won't," Spencer spat. 

"No, just listen to me - "

"Listen to what? You lying to me? You telling me that you love me?" Spencer scoffed. "You don't do the things you did to someone you love."

Derek swallowed and exhaled heavily. "I do love you," he said lowly, like he didn't want the rest of the team to hear.

Spencer paused, eyebrows furrowed. "So you're comfortable telling me that you're going to break up with your girlfriend in front of the entire team, but you won't admit that you love me?" his voice was soft and questioning and broken. "How am I supposed to believe you? How am I supposed to love you?"

Derek frowned, watching Spencer. The younger boy was drilling intense holes into the side of his head and when they made eye contact, his golden eyes flashed. It was aggression and anger and sadness and heartbreak and Derek had to back down. He had to. He had to let Spencer cool off, and he had to keep his word. 


End file.
